Heaven Baby... helping our children understand

I remember not long after finding out that Quinn no longer had a heartbeat we called my mom. I only had told my sister that I was going to the hospital because I couldn't remember when she moved last. Brad had told his dad, but I didn't want to worry a lot of people. Well, my sister told my mom for us, and when brad called her he couldn't get the words out... none of us could, because how could our baby not having a heartbeat be real? It had to be a nightmare. We all cried together and somehow understood what was happening. Brad handed me the phone and I remember telling my mom that I can't do this, this thing that was happening to me was too hard and I wasn't ready. I was suppose to come into the hospital and they were suppose to be able to find her heartbeat. This wasn't what I had planned, and I am a planner when it comes to these things.

While on the phone I told my mom, "Mom, how do we tell our kids?! I can't tell them their baby sister, Quinn, died. I can't do that to them." At home we had been counting down the days that Quinn would make an entrance into our family. I had been scheduled to be induced July 29th, and each day we would ask Alexa how many more days until July 29th.

My sister had been watching the kids and we didn't call and tell her anything while with the kids. We had my father-in-law take over for the night and Brad planned on coming home and telling them.  Brad got a few hours of sleep and headed out to go home and shower and tell the kids. They had been wondering when we were coming home, and were expecting us to be bringing baby Quinn home.

He told them that baby Quinn had a special spirit that was needed back in heaven, and that she was now with Heavenly Father. It's interesting because when you have a baby that has died in the hospital they give you all these stapled booklets about grief and how to deal with it and I remember browsing one section where it talked about how to tell children. It said to come out and say that the baby died. My kids had just gone to a graveside service for their great grandpa, so they understood what happened to our sweet baby Quinn, but they had a hard time understanding why it had to happen. They both cried, which Brad told them it's okay to cry because mom and dad had cried a lot too.

A day or two after I got home I had a friend who went us a beautiful book called, Heaven Baby.

We sat down one night and read this book together. It's such a beautiful story told from a 5 year old's perspective about an angel baby brother she has in heaven. As we read it, we talked about what we thought heaven might be like, and what we think Quinn might be doing up there. 

Losing their baby sister has been hard. Both of my kids keep asking me if I have another baby in my tummy. Chase has cried about how he still wants a baby sister, which is interesting because he cried when he found out Quinn was a girl. I'm not sure how things will go moving forward, but we will continue to celebrate our Angel Quinn. She is so loved and missed. Charley decided to go the mortuary so she could see Quinn and their matching bracelets that a friend made for both of us. 

Both kids wanted to help in the graveside service by carrying the casket. It was so sweet, but something I hope no one I know has to experience. 

I'll be adding a graveside post in the next few days with all my thoughts...